Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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