ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
