i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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