i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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