i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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