Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Two words: nipple clamps
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