This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
