woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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