Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
