She is in my trunk
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
