Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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