Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
