It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
