this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
