If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
