Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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