From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
