can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize