how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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