I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
