i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
