I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
