I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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