So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
