Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
