Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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