you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
