This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize