I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I CAN MOONWALK!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
