What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize