Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
