good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
