im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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