garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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