im drinking this country out of the recession.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
