just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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