Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
