Plan B is the new Plan A
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
