That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
