ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
