The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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