Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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