he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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