yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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