i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
