I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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