Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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