he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
