Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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