you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
