I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
