Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
