Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
