well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
