i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
