hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I haven't been this sober since birth.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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