Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize