He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
