She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
