I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
