her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Come on in and take your pants off
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