I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize