all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
