I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
