Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
