I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
