Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
