he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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